Here's anotha Madison

We used to get around in them 2 wheels,
now I gotta limo for these high heels.
Yea I dreamt 'bout the black cards,
hopin for the betta stars
x-link, became supastars,
baby now the world is ours.

These chandeliers and the flashy lights
got me so confused 'bout my past life
cuz i spend a whoole lotta dark nights
stuck in a hailstorm of bloody strife

but i neva let nobody see,
the true side of bein' me
had no real address, jus lived the streets
got fuckin stressed, so i popped these beats

said i bought diamond rings and new Louis bags,
'cept i didnt have a thing, just wished i had.
lived a lie to the whole world, to bury all the shame,
got a rep for beina rich girl, it was all partuv my game.

i guess the fairytale books neva lied
they promised me riches, if i just tried
so i gave everythin i got, i slaved n i fought
10 years later, i own the biggest fuckin lot

take a step back, breathe it in
nothin we lack, nothin we can't win
for every mothafucka who doubted me
heres anotha Madison, its that easy.

Welcome to my Kingdom

ten years past since i've seen you last
we was just kids runnin on our Freudian Ids
now that we olda, your aura's gotten colda
judgin' me like a cold war soulja

you ask me 'bout what i've become
and i say "Welcome to my Kingdom"
follow me upstairs, lotta love up there
an experience you cant get nowhere

you’ll be seein dimensions of the unknown
vivid dreams of the pristine virgin mary clone
looks so real when you high from a bottle of patron

cloud 9 lovin, yea i do it with finesse
join me in this life of hedonistic excess
cuz high up in the skies, we feel no stress
just truth in my eyes, nothin left to confess

the world dont agree - with my 24/7 revelry
treat me like a bondsman of the bourgeoisie
but im more than just a reckless abandon
cuz i went from bein a slum outta Camden
to livin large, ownin villas in the Hamptons,
the definition of a well-trained stallion.

so it dont matter to me if the people dont approve
of my fast life attitude and planned out chess moves
Happiness is my truth, theres nothin more I gotta prove

Hwood Dlusion

In grade school they called me special
Cuz I could read n write on anotha level
Pressure of standards makin me wanna revel
caught up in the lies, made a deal with the devil

the completion of the exchang-uh
had so much historical rang-uh
put myself in all that danga
at the mercy of a total stranga

fuck how was I supposed to know,
what to smoke shoot or blow
all I knew was how high I flew
once I took that powder from you

I gotta leave this scene
makin me feel so unclean
livin the hollywood dream
Hooked on morphine By the age of sixteen
When I shoulda been prom queen

thunderstorm leaving lucid raindrops
catch my reflection n my heart stops
lost eyes, broken smile- a life wasted
all I know is how to get shit-faceded
lookin like a death reincarnated

Game of LIfe

no i wasn't born to a king in a palace/
shit i went through made me this callous/
placed on the last rung of a ladder/
thats tellin me my dreams don't matter/
but i ain't slowing down even if the light is red/
cuz i gotta run through sand just to get ahead

i owe all my success to these streets/
they've been the muse for all my beats/
now that i be rockin as one of the elites/
i'm standing on the ground with both my feet/
there were times when $ was so hard to come by/
we'd be sittin in the dark n the faucet would run dry/
after moments like that, i would realize/
the game of life is just a game of dice/
once you see that you'll open your eyes

Diamonds & Doormen

the diamonds and doormen
part of my coveted illusion
meant to blind me from the pain
that keeps on burning me in vain

this kinda hell you can’t placate,
this kinda pain you can’t medicate
its like climbing K2 every single night
only to awake to Everest's height.

i stare hard in the mirror, tryna see what they see
but nothings any clearer, who am i supposed to be?

stuck in an unsolvable puzzle, don’t know what to feel
especially when the struggle is the only part that’s real
in this cloud of smoke, filled with glitz and glam
but it’s all just a hoax, not at all who i really am

Lancaster Crew

Welcome to the world, we the Lancaster Crew
worth more than a dozen pearls, let the light shine through
This aint no clique that we share
not 'bout the clothes that we wear
or the color of our hair
what matters is whats rare.

we got soul to our style,
waitin list for our mobiles
theyre askin for the secrets
we smilin' with our seal'd- lips
our past will die w/ our spirits

we've traveled 'cross the oceans
and climbed the highest mountains
we've felt rapture, but in transience
seen the light through a dark lens
we've felt love, but for a moment
and found life through the torment

but we'll wait for another day
to let you in on our hypsie way
cuz theres a charm to the silence
and a mystery in the distance

Clockwork Magic

No this wasn’t my choice, My life aint my own voice.
Keeps draggin me along, “Put your mask on,
keep ur faith strong, never do nothin wrong.”

Got no room to breathe, got no way to leave.
Someone pump air in my chest, cuz I’m goin into cardiac arrest.
Put me in a cell, tie me in a leash,
treat me like hell, don’t practice what u preach.

and after all that abuse, u think my anger’ll diffuse?
by tomorrow I’ll be game, for the next round of pain?
No it don’t work like that, this shit u can never take back.

I won’t forgive you for the torture,
its gonna ride with me into my future.
But u walk around ignorant, no u never felt repentant.
You got no clue bout the shit I went thru, all becauseuv u.

But its something I’ll neva forget,
Cuz the past drew a silhouette,
that still hasn’t left.

I’m fightin hard to keep a smile on my face,
but inside, theres not even a trace.

Fate dealt me a shitty hand,
what I did to deserve it,
I dont understand.

Threw my cards out of plan,
took a risk on transit,
my one and only chance.

I’m losin my mind, its downhill from here.
I’m way out of line, but these words are sincere.
I got no outlet to feel anything but sorrow,
It’s a fucking struggle to plan for tomorrow.

Cuz I never know if I wanna stay 'round that long,
What would be the point of singin another sad song?
Nobody hears me when I’m violently screamin,
all alone in my car, with the tears streamin.
I’m beggin for help, maybe someone will see me,
if you couldn't tell, i'm in need of some healin.

But it always end the same exact way,
I dry up the tears, throw the tissues away,
drive back home, like everything’s okay.
but inside I’m darker, more isolated than ever,
i tell myself it’s over, this can’t go on forever.

But I'm a deceptive charm, a life so tragic,
just like a set alarm, it's clockwork magic.

Unholiest Heaven

the hackneyed cliches of a childhood past
haunt me now, with their shadows cast
they warned me of the pain youd bring
how youd slowly take away my everything
and throw me in a whirlwind of suffering

but with blinded eyes i chased the high
with a careless shame i said goodbye
to all the friends who asked me why
as i burned through my storm of lies

you're the object of my strongest desire
and the catalyst to my internal hellfire
i want help but i want you more
forever and always ill be yours

in your absence i'm a worthless fuck
but with your return, comes good luck
the pain i feel when youre not around
is easy to forget when you're found

the sagest advice couldn't tell me how
to quit your love and walk away now
do me a favor and turn off the lights
as i try to fight off my raging appetite

deep down i know that youre no good
and i'd leave you too if only i could
but you had me hooked at minute eleven
when i took a breath of the unholiest heaven

Struggle

to the rest of the world you're on your way
but behind closed doors you're falling astray
don't let the pain mess with your vision
its part of the test, make the right decision
the harder the struggle the greater the victory
so swallow your fears and thrive in the misery

when the moon dont shine and the sun dont rise
you gotta light your own match to get to the prize
when the storm wreaks havoc and you're drowning at sea
just picture that maybach and you drowning in money

nobody's worth the cost of your dreams
cuz in the end they're not who they seem
when you're on the rise they wanna see you fall
hoping you'll make the same mistakes as Saul

there's a lot on the line that you can't afford to resign
not now, not yet, not for a very long time
still a lot of people that you gotta prove wrong
a whole list of reasons for staying so strong
the number one catalyst for writing this song

Thank You For the Ride

forgive me i forgot, to thank you for the ride
but the trip of a lifetime left me empty inside
i was walking down a road with no end in sight
the signs were misleading in the black of the night

i got lost in the darkness,
without a map i felt hopeless
thumb to the street and desperation in my eyes
watching you stop was like watching a sunrise

you asked me where i wanted to go
"somewhere far from the life that i know"
as you shut the door behind me,
we began our life of dual secrecy

you took me through all the back roads of town
showing me the highest ups and the lowest downs
in moments of silence i would stop and wonder
how long you'd drive if the storm brought thunder

when the tank ran low, and the ride got slow
i felt a bitter ugliness that i tried not to show
when the cash ran out, and left us in a drought
i felt a paranoia that consumed me with doubt

i made you believe in my feigned apathy
but beneath the surface, i gave you all of me
so when you pulled over to rest for a while
my whole life fell apart in the most tragic style

we were parked outside a deserted garage
as i planned my escape, i got lost in the mirage
of a tangible freedom just beyond my reach
why the fuck can't i practice what i preach

without you I knew I'd suffer alone
I'm caught in a mess, completely thrown
but the era has passed and I've survived
times were tough, but my soul has thrived

it was hard to swallow the feelings of hate
but after months of regret, it was simply fate
the roughest moments were my saving grace
the only reason i can still show my face

No Regrets

Life’s gotten way too serious,
I forget how to breathe right
Just wanna dance in pure bliss,
So fuck worrying this one night

Bring ur hearts - leave ur minds,
We’ll be shooting 5gm lines
live the moment - lost in time,
love the music - press rewind

wanna WAKE UP tomorrow feeling no regrets
wanna shake OFF the sorrow, pay off the debts
turn that switch and not feel a thing
do what u wish and live like a king

the world is watching with its devil eyes
but you say fuck em and fuck all their lies
its a twisted mentality only for the wretched
is this your reality? or can you not handle it

Diluted Mess

Lonely nights leading me further into a realm of isolation
Can’t find an escape worth fighting for
So I submit to the habits contributing to my rotation
Of a painful demise behind a closed door

Easier to succumb to the demons inside
When my mind and heart have finally died
Pointless days and sleepless nights
Intense emotions reaching new heights

Craving a catharsis but trapped by numbness
Increasing motivation to live less and less
Failing to follow not even a single belief
Make thoughts of death such a relief

Streak of self-destruction ignites full force
Personality evades me
These days are hell, nothing could be worse
Depression is all I see

People are blind to the obvious
I have become a diluted mess
Assuming the role of an abandoned soul
Envisioned success lost in a black hole

delusional memories from an enchanting past
provide comfort but the sentiments don’t last
in the existing state, my reality is absurd
it will be a long wait until the chaos is observed

Lacking sleep, falling deep, Life has lost its charm
nothing matters, nothing speaks, a cause for alarm
running away from the haunting anguish
to find an inner peace is my only wish

Not a string of hope betwixt a night of misery
life exhausts the weakening soul with agony
without a heart to cherish, a moment to await
considering an expiration, just need a date

after years of dreams, goals, aspirations
I find myself distraught with frustrations
Countless struggles feel insurmountable
Give me a sign, help me become viable

Hooked

Treaded rebellion as an innocent teen
Blindingly the vices deceive
Now I’m hooked on a killing machine
an ending I could never conceive

driven by the mere anticipation
of the next immediate rush
searching for a reliable ration
failure yielding an epic crush

cleaved mind of fragmented thoughts
leaving me with a desperate appetite
I’ve become willing to score at any cost
In hopes of lengthening this flight

Delusions of grandeur quickly dissipate
As the drug leaves my toxic veins
Feelings of dread settle in like fate
Only adding to the worsening pains

Addiction is a reality I can’t dream
In this life, nothing is as it seems
Running from the hell I can not erase
Praying for freedom from this intricate maze

Habits formed and locked into submission
Growing depravities have formed a coalition
Against the quest to quit the addiction
Helplessly I surrender to the predilection

Deceptive Beauty

Swept away by your stunning looks
Flying around, how long it took
To get down from that high
I called it love
What a sudden good-bye
Was it truly love?

How foolishly I make believe
That maybe, we could be
Above this love, beyond the sky
I turn around and wonder why
Blissful faces, pretty eyes
They’re just phases and fucked up lies.

You’re too pretty to mean what you say
It never hit me until yesterday
Shining eyes, I looked inside
Nothing glows, nothing but lies.

Your pretty eyes and your pretty face
Disguise your wicked tastes
You don’t love, you don’t smile
Are you unhappy, is life not worthwhile?

Suddenly your face stops enchanting
Instantly my heart begins ranting
Fallacious words you spoke to me
Lustful smiles you didn’t mean
Question your identity
Let me know when you find thee.

As I walk away from my first time
You start to fall from your prime
Beauty means nothing at all
When you’ve never loved at all.

Jaded

empty words promising an eternal devotion
bound me to your lies and ersatz emotions
the uncertainty of our tomorrow
only heightened my sorrow

perfect deliverance of rehearsed lines
left me hopelessly intertwined
in your staged schematics of deceit
desperately in love, I admitted defeat

Blinding my eyes I foolishly stayed
Even at the zenith of our volatile escapade
You bought my heart when I sold you my innocence
With the exchange began your display of decadence

as the audience claps and the curtain rises
I’m appalled by your many disguises
the tears are falling but the love has faded
my shattered heart has become purely jaded

Color Prism

What happened, life used to be so wonderful?
I’ve been fed way too much bull.
I see white coal, black snow
Hearing the cries, voicing your goodbyes
Too late, I died

Lying is pointless – just prolongs youthful bliss
conceal the imperfections, delay the rejections
I don’t hide the veracity – there’s no stopping me
Is the sunny day dark or do my pupils just make a mark?
Fuck pessimism, life is a messed up color prism

People living aimless lives, dodging the flying sharp knives
good times beguile, so I pick and choose when to smile
quit this foolery of half assed chivalry, nobody wants your jewelry
my words are encrypted, to make you think a bit, you lazy sunnavabitch
I shun no one yet I’m known to none. I give nothing yet I want something

Remain skeptic or else your heart becomes septic
People can deceive despite what you believe
This isn’t a Christmas song, a happy ending? You’re wrong.
Happy times are temporary, don’t get so fucking merry
In the end, you come out on top because you chose to stop
This fraudulent emotion of happiness, you’re depressed at the best.

No matter what...

These reckless moments of mental instability
They’ve become ticking alarms inside of me
like clockwork, it happens, i can sense it start
a sudden jerk, and i can feel my bleeding heart

I got no one to trust, to think of my goodwill
I found love thru lust, and happiness in a pill
but this void is a bottomless hell I can never fill
the world is unjust, it won't give me free will
But it’s not you I mistrust, it’s me who I must kill

because nothing makes the pain go away
i suffer the hell regardless the day
no person, no drug, no drink makes me forget
how i wake at night drenched in cold sweat
from the torment that swallows my every regret

my mind is numbing, as my heart beats rapidly
i've abused my body far too long
who am i becoming? crashing so candidly
singing such a terribly sad song

these words are raw, the tears are honest,
for whatever reason i suffer through it
but every episode is worse than the last
i can only hope that i feel better fast

because I've ran through dust, searching for soul
but it's left me with disgust, and out of control
the clock on the wall is the only truth in my life
the time is near when i say goodbye to this strife

Old Habits Die Hard

if i could just have that being of innocence
if i could just get that feeling of happiness
then i could shed this layer of pretense
and continue living without penitence

I gathered up my dignity as I set foot to nowhere
just a place that promised to be better than here
i flew across the world to escape your seduction
only to realize i never really left your destruction

so for months you kept dormant
waiting for that deciding moment
when i fell victim to my internal demons
and went astray for all the wrong reasons

the world conspired and tragedy ensued
i gave in despite what i've been though
so now we're back to our painful games
of love and hate, lust and blame

Catastrophic Epiphany

Pushing through the scattered terrain
Desperately searching for golden rain
To masquerade my bloody tears
Gaining speed from my ever-growing fears

I rushed life with a reckless energy
Nobody warned me of the quandaries
Suddenly I’m alone on this icy path
Overtaken by my intensely youthful wrath

Forced to make sense of all the mayhem
I can’t handle the chaos, God Damn
It’s a harsh reality I must face
I sinned and my lover I disgraced

Speckled eyes deny me the whole truth
Wondrous occasions leave me confused
Happiness has become a rare luxury
Amidst the harsh pain and misery

The world has exploited my innocence
The dazzled affair was a mere pretense
I temporarily used to effectively suppress
Apprehension caused by my future prospects

With nothing to proclaim as my own success
I realize my dire mistake, I must confess
Now I’m approached with sheer apathy
From all the fans that claimed to adore me

Roller Coaster Web I've Weaved

slowly but surely
my world is falling apart
i'm lonely, please hold me
can this end have a start?

logic escapes me, as insanity invades
i'm driven crazy, as ur love just fades
won't you feel some pain, i wanna see u cry
my heart can't break in vain, id rather just die

darkness inside of me, burnt with scorn
it's never been easy, happy is just a cloak i've worn
look at the trees, the flowers, the children at play
they bloom when it showers, and shine the next day
but i'm stuck in a storm where the clouds wont leave
up then down, its a roller coaster web i've weaved

in idle moments of mindless activity
my conscience grabs me so viciously
it paints a picture all black and blue
leaving me confused and heavily bruised

there is so much i would undo
but life never lets us redo
so while i'm slowly falling apart
i must make this end my new start

Ready

The Lights dim out and I’m walking on a tight rope
these years are mine to shine, live out my high hopes.
but I fuck around searching for what’s real
they tell me nothings there, I won’t heal.
it’s lonely where I’m at, worse where I’m going
the pain keeps coming and my heartaches showing.
take me now because I’m ready to leave
don’t punish me so with a short reprieve.
the harder I knock on Your door, the farther I get from salvation
so before I spiral any more, take me to our next conversation.

Passed the Rubicon

I’ve been down this path before,
The same painful disguise I once wore,
I tried running away from all the misery
But the tears found their way back to me

no matter how far i get
can't seem to pay off this emotional debt
its followed me for all these years
through the cyclical turmoil and tears

with a simple question, my demise began,
how it happened, i dont understand
the mental reminders to end the ride
escaped my thoughts, pushed aside

past the point of no return,
at what point will i finally learn
it's too late, i've passed the Rubicon
my life is setting with the setting sun

the extent of my self-destruction
has left me weak with corruption

stuck in a life not worth living
pain in my heart is unforgiving
alienated by all the secrecy
fueling my growing misery

i don't know who i am anymore
the need for speed has lost its allure
no longer an accessory that i casually use
but a complete necessity i can't refuse
the countless secrets and the endless lies
my way of life has become a masked disguise

Mountain of Glamour

she's standing so pretty atop this mountain of glamour
enchanting eyes and luscious hair, perfection damn her
but wait do they know i'm crying inside
that my soul is lost and my love has died

so terribly alone i've forgotten the happiness
who was that girl dancing in a yellow sundress
without a care in the world, she smiled, a beauty
i'm searching for you, this darkness doesn't suit me

ever so often a memory will return, and my blood will thicken
like fire, hot with sadness, pining for a past, that sickens
string of moments turn into hours passing through the restless nights
i dont know why i started crying but this sadness just feels so right